Lordt, The Skyrim Chronicles. “Lightning the Coinpurse”

It was any ordinary day in Whiterun, except things were about to get a little odd.

I recently had lunch with the Greybeards up on High, and they had taught me a thing or two about fucking shit up, one way or another.

Their first mistake was assuming that I would use such powers responsibly. Their second mistake was actually going so far as to teach me said powers. Their third mistake was leaving me alive.

After blasting Lydia off the top balcony on High Hrothgar, I felt much better about myself without that nagging cook following me around all day without so much as a moment’s slap and tickle.

So I made my own way to Whiterun in search of a new henchman, and perhaps drain an ale or two whilst I was there. If my luck was really in I’d find a few coin purses to empty as well, including my own.

~

It was a bright afternoon and I was bored of waiting around for a likely henchman to present himself, and I was also sick and tired of the olde man in the corner of the tavern presenting himself.

I stepped outside and my eyes turned to pinpricks as the sun blinded me after being indoors for so long. Somewhere between then and my retinas becoming normal again, I heard a few screams followed by the impression of a large shadow across the ground in front of me.

I looked up, squinting, and realized we were all boned. A dragon loomed large as life above the City and had decided that we were all on the afternoon’s menu.

I deftly stepped inside a shop to conduct some last minute, pressing business hoping that by the time I reemerged the dragon would be long gone and I could finish my ale.

No such luck.

After lingering in the shop for twenty minutes the shopkeeper insisted I leave and at the very least help mop up the body parts in the town square.

Outside I received quite a shock. The local militia had massed and was giving the dragon a run for its money. Perhaps I would stick around after all…the dragon bones could fetch a pretty penny in the next town and if I could get in there quick…

A cry went up. A small child was torn in half and half again. This caused the militia to disperse in fright and I was left standing in the courtyard on my own.

My training.

What the Greybeards had taught me was sacred lore entrusted to only best. I was privy to this knowledge. I was amoung the best.

I thought hard. What incantation to use?

As I looked up I realized what I had to do. I squinted again thanks to that damn Sun. Yet it was my inspiration.

I called a storm so powerful and so fierce that the dragon would flee before me as I commanded the elements of wind and water, with a healthy dose of lighting wagered into the bargain for good measure.

I was on song with the incantation and soon the clouds rolled in and the Sun finally fucked off.

A fork of lightning played across the sky, dazzling mine eyes and distracting the dragon as it struggled to hover against the rising wind.

My clothes became drenched, my hair became mussed. I cared not.

And then I heard the screams.

Confused, I assumed they were shrieks of joy as I clearly had the upper hand against the dragon. But I was wrong, so wrong.

All those outside who were gawking at the spectacle now stood as rigid skeletons whilst lightning played about the courtyard. Fork after fork jumped from shopkeeper, to townsfolk, to soldier…women and children alike. The Greybeards had not taught me how to stop the spell…Twats.

I can see the conversation now. “What if someone wants to stop the spell?” “Oh, why would anyone want to do that? Uhohohaha. More Brandy?”…

The water just made it worse…so much worse. I covered my nose as the smell of charred flesh wafted across the courtyard. I backed away under the canopy of the smithy and waited out the remnants of the storm.

Before long the skies reverted back to the clear summer’s day they had been only minutes before.

The dragon was gone. Everybody was dead.

I looked around at the bodies, many with jackets and trousers sundered open.

Seeing no survivors I concluded that not only had I repelled the dragon, but I had inadvertently just made some tidy coin as well.

Not bad.

 

~Lordt