Lordt, The Splinter Cell Chronicles. “Silent and Smooth”

We’d entered Yastreb Archives with the aim of being silent and smooth, as always.

After all, all we had to do hack some computers.

The reality involved a broken chandelier, a dozen empty magazines, two dozen dead guards and 2 pairs of brown trousers.

It’s difficult to pinpoint where it all went wrong, but I suspect it was during the stage when my companion was sneaking around on the edge of a balcony and I thought I’d “help him out” by poppin’ a cap into the head of a guard approaching his position.

I hadn’t shared my plan. I just thought I’d do it and then look smug when the guard slumped over the balcony next to him. Besides, I knew my companion had a penchant for non-lethal combat if at all possible and to be honest, I don’t buy that, even from Batman.

So I took aim and fired, silencer on of course.

I missed and clipped an enormous chandelier.

I crowned as the chandelier decided if it wanted to drop or not and I saw my companion turn as he heard the unmistakable chink of bullet upon chain/glass.

And then it fell.

And not only did it fall, it fell on a group of guards hanging out beneath it, showering them in glass but otherwise only serving to alert them as to our presence.

Seconds later my companion fell from the balcony. I say fell, he was pushed by the guard that I had failed to take down.

I suppose the saving grace here was that we were now in a darkened section of the vast room, albeit teeming with guards. I mean, there were a LOT of guards; so many guards in fact that I considered fucking off.

But then I remembered my pay check, or lack thereof if I abandoned the mission at this critical time.

I stormed over with not 1 but 2 syringes of adrenalin and let him have one in both sides of the groin.

He was hard for hours.

The room became a warzone. Our “quiet” approach had turned into the usual massacre. Oh well, at least now we could go loud.

I brought out the sub-machine gun and stitched a human outline around a marble pillar of the guard I was shooting at. Eventually I needed to reload and I hit the deck as he returned fire.

I saw my companion take cover too. He gave me a withering look.

“The hacking” he hissed. “let’s get it done and get out of here!”

I signaled with hand gestures that the next room looked empty and that we should hold up in there for the moment. He nodded in recognition and we burst in like we owned the joint.

It was full of guards and as I had tactically let my companion enter first he was cut down like a corn stalk.

I opted to stay out of the room and poked my head round the corner. 4 of them, and my companion looked dead.

Shit.

I reloaded and kneecapped one of them. While I had their attention I noticed my companion sit up like The Undertaker and switch off the light.

There was some kind of kerfuffle and when the light came back on everybody was dead.

I used a third shot of adrenalin on my companion, this time directly to the tip, and then one on myself for giggles.

There was a moment’s respite. All the guards in the area had bought it and it seemed as though those remaining had clustered around the data units we were required to infiltrate.

Great.

“Quietly” my companion said.

I nodded and we both shimmied up the pillars and hung off the balconies.

To be honest I was somewhat surprised at how anyone with so much adrenalin inside them could still function.

As we hung off the balcony I noticed a bulge in the crotch of his trousers. I hadn’t needed to see that and it ruined the whole evening for me.

Next we split up and took a sector each in order to hack the terminals. Apparently all we needed to do was to get near the computers and we could transmit wirelessly. The closer we got the quicker it would be.

A natural coward I had already tried accessing the data in the car park, but it just wasn’t working.

I could see my companion near his 2 terminals, just below, hanging off the balcony. He silently crept up and choked out the guard nearby, setting the data transfer off and giving us a time limit.

We had a minute left for me to complete my hacking and 2 guards were camped beside the computers.

I hung off the balcony and waited. The transfers had begun, but were painfully slow. I couldn’t risk taking on both guards so close to completing our goal. With any luck the hack would complete and I could lower safely down and out the back door.

But no. There just wasn’t time.

10 seconds left and only 80% hacked.

We were fucked.

At the last second I pulled myself up over the balcony and the transfer shot up, completing but 1 second before the deadline. I more or less fell into the computer stack and the guards rumbled my straight away.

I leapt back over the balcony leaving a trail of shit behind me. That was close.

As the guards swung around with their torches my companion had the misfortune to be just rounding the corner.

Needless to say, a 4th shot of adrenalin was summarily needed.

Having taken down the two guards from behind and saved my companion AND having just completed the data transfer I was feeling pretty good.

Hands on hips I stood on the balcony and surveyed the scene.

“Yup… Silent and smooth as always”

~Lordt

February 9, 2014 0

Lordt, The Splinter Cell Chronicles. “The Human Colander”

We made our way quietly over the perimeter fencing. I say quietly, when really I mean we made enough noise to wake a drugged corpse, but the matter is moot, since we remained unnoticed anyhow.

We arrived at a small bunker in which a lone guard ran laps trying to work off some of last night’s vindaloo. I didn’t take long before my companion had choked him senseless and stuffed him in the corner.

Before the guy had even hit the ground I was rappelling down the missile shaft as though someone had greased the ropes told me I was on the Crystal Maze. I landed in a heap at the bottom, fortunately on top of an unsuspecting guard. A look from my partner told me I had gotten away with something stupid…

I punched the button for the nearby lift with perhaps more energy than was necessary and as both of us wanted to be first down into the bunker we got wedged in the doorway.

“WILL YOU MOVE!?” My partner demanded, more than asked.…

I complied and we made our way down.

In the corridor below I noticed a fee figures up ahead, and a pipe above. Perfect.

Moments later I felt something hit me in the groin. My partner had had the same idea as me and I had blocked his motion to grab onto the piping. This did not go wholly unnoticed by the guards and it was a near thing that my companion got behind a wall in time as they pulled out their flashlights.

A few neck snaps later and we felt much better about ourselves as we stuffed the limp corpses of the guards into the lift and sent them skywards. I was sure to empty their pockets of any spare ammunition, weaponry, grenades, loose change and sticks of gum before we moved on.

Next we climbed into a vent at the end of the corridor and I began to feel like a sausage stuffed into too smaller skin. As my partner broke wind in my face my eyes did weep. Perhaps it was an accidentally deployed teargas grenade. Or perhaps it was just the remnants of some bad scampi.

Finally we reached some kind of lab…

We jumped down and beat the shit out of a scientist for no reason, then moved on into the next corridor where I Tomoe Naged my companion into a wall.

What awaited us was both horrific and comedic; More specifically horrific for my partner, and comedic for me.

A drone gun sat around the corner. We were doomed.

My companion had barely grabbed hold of the piping on the ceiling to circumnavigate the obstacle when I couldn’t resist poking my head round the corner to take a look.

What happened next was a form of process. One minute, my partner was crawling along a piece of ceiling piping. The next, he had become a human colander.

As his slumped and riddled body slid across the hallway with the momentum of the bullets I took a moment to chuckle before taking a moment to take a picture, and then take the piss.

I then pulled him back round the corner.

2 shots of adrenaline later and it was like it had never happened. I did, however, receive stern words for my troubles.

“Let me put it this way. Aren’t you glad I resisted throwing any grenades?” I riposted.

~Lordt

November 5, 2013 0

Lordt, The Splinter Cell Chronicles. “Breathing Lead”

My partner and I were holed up in a small compound overlooking the entrance to an opium den. Whichever way we looked guards milled about as though it was the annual meeting of guards anonymous. And to make matters worse, we had packed light, prepared for stealth, not all out war. Even I didn’t have my trusty grenades with me and I looked longingly at my bandoleer where they used to be. In their place sat a shitty EMP grenade…good for nothing right now. We had a hand gun each and a silenced snub nosed SMG; paltry fayre against what we faced.

Still…it was time.

We butted up against a barrier next to a nearby guard and my partner beat me to it as he leaned over and dragged the guy behind the cover, at which point we stamped him into the ground as though he were a spent cigarette. Not exactly stealthy, but it helped relieve some of the frustration at not having the proper gear.

My partner was convinced we could get through unnoticed, but I knew otherwise as I winged the chain holding a gas canister above a group of heavily armed guards. Seconds later the guards were vaporized and my companion and I were reamed from all angles by all and sundry as they promtly located our position.

Must try harder.

We approached the first guard and dragged him over the scenery again, this time slitting his throat to save on energy. Then we waited. Those guards under the canister weren’t going anywhere, though we could use a little distraction, but perhaps not in the form of enormous explosions.

My partner slipped off right and took down another guard, using his left hand to shoot a third who had spotted him. Good work.

I peeled off left and blundered into a room full of guys. My SMG was out quicker than a New York minute and I was hosing the area at hip height in a panic. I cleared the room only to peer outside at the pulp that was my partner since I had alerted the enemy.

Must try harder still.

Once again our olde chum was leaning up against the barrier nearby. I thought I’d save some time by shooting him in the back of the head, only I missed, clippingthe canister in the background again. The rest is history.

Must try harder…but not quite so hard.

“I’ll take the guy this time” suggested my partner. I let him.

He then went right and I followed as he took down the other two guards.

For no reason, I dropped a few electro-proximity mines for good measure. We rounded a barricade and hunkered down. 3 more guards waited. I shot one in the back of the head with my silenced pistol before moving on to choke out the second. The third however was a heavy and sadly, just as my partner was about to engage the guy he tripped my mine which shocked half a dozen men in the area, most of which were heavies who then responded with a hail of bullets so thick my partner described it as like “breathing lead”.

Sigh.

I’d had enough of this. I ran at the first guy who saw me instantly and shot me in the face.

Must try again…

This time, a tear gas grenade.

It served its purpose, that is, if its purpose was to annoy the fuck out of the guards and cause them to return fire with heavy machine guns and frag grenades. Two fresh bodies lay upon the ground . Our fresh bodies to be precise.

Sigh.

“Look”…said my partner. “Relax. We need to get around them, then take down the heavies and try to grab a shield or two”. I nodded in response, promptly ignoring the advice and running at the first guard who once again shot me in the face.

My partner looked at me in disbelief. “This must be the worst kind of groundhog day” he said.

I ignored him and tried once more, this time creeping in behind the barrier and slitting the throat of the first guard.

Perfect.

“Right, good” said my partner, before peeling right take out guards two and three. This time we were on a roll. I moved left, smoothly took out the guys in the building and then for no reason threw a tear gas grenade into the back of a truck where a guy had sat oblivious up until that point.

I followed up the maneuver with a few clips from the ole’ SMG before running out of bullets and picking up an un-silenced AK47 from one of the dead guards, effectively having now “gone loud”.

The AK didn’t have much ammo left and after a couple of guys with shields blocked most of the spray I was boned. I spun, clipped a canister or two and ran pell-mell back to our start point, grabbing the limp body of my companion on the way. The place was like a fucking warzone yet again and it wasn’t long before the pair of us ended up resembling and matching set of human colanders.

———————–

GAME PAUSED.

———————–

My mate slowly, but surely turned toward me. I wondered what was coming. A few stern words, a punch perhaps, maybe even a two fingered salute.

He gestured to the bathroom next door.

“Get in there and GO AND HAVE A FUCKING WANK”

~lordt

September 14, 2013 0

Lordt, the Splinter Cell Chronicles. “DO. YOU. MIND. NOT. USING. INCENDIARY. GRENADES. AROUND. THE. NUCLEAR. DEVICE?”

Sam and I had been assigned to thwart a smuggling operation on the Pakistani border. The word was that someone was moving a nuke.

Orders were to gain Intel and progress when/if required, with obvious due caution.

Another stipulation, one that would prove difficult, was to avoid detection at all costs.

After taking out the perimeter guards we could see the smugglers encampment at the foot of the cliffs we stood upon.

Sam and I wasted no time in our approach as we shimmied across the rock face from a stomach churning height. It was best not to think of it, really. Besides, there was only one way in, and this was it.

Since this was primarily a stealth operation we had packed light. However, I still couldn’t help bringing a few “small arms” in the form of my fully tricked out, un-silenced, assault rifle and brimming bandoleer of assorted grenades and accompanying gadgets.

As Sam began his descent I decided to continue on around the cliff face to quarter the area. There were guards below; lots of guards.

I saw Sam drop abruptly in my peripheral vision and knew that he had most likely landed on some poor sod who was taking a piss or some such activity.

I began my descent too, in case he needed backup.

I dropped behind a truck and saw Sam disappear into he shadows to my right. I’d go left, and together we could survey the area, providing we weren’t noticed.

Five minutes must have passed, slowly creeping forwards at the correct intervals. I’d gone round about 8 guards by now, all talking utter bollocks. If we could just get to the other end of the compound…

I’d nearly made it when I turned to see how Sam was progressing. He was in the centre of the area, hunkered down to avoid detection from a cluster of men. But as I waited I saw it…

About 40 feet away from where I crouched I noticed a small canister propped up against a vehicle. And I don’t know why I shot it, but I shot it.

The whole encampment erupted in flames and gunfire as the canister blew up with surprising aplomb.

I remained crouched with my jaw open as suddenly Sam was lit up like a Christmas tree and riddled with bullets. I honestly believe that had the canister not engulfed so many of the smugglers in flames Sam would have bought it.

Regaining myself I pulled out old painless and laid into the smugglers. They were unarmoured and the bullets went through them like curry through a week old baby.

I grabbed Sam and administered adrenaline. I think he was still choking someone out even as I did this…

As the smoke settled we realized the element of surprise was beyond us. Voron would be onto us now.

We sprinted for the compound and I was horrified at the shrieking noise the shutter made on the side of the building as we entered. I let Sam do the heavy lifting since he was weak and full of bullets.

Inside we took a moment. Sam looked at me with a severe expression.

“Did you shoot a canister?”

My lack of response was telling.

“Why?” he asked.

“I just wanted to see what it would do…” was all I could think of saying, since it was the truth.

He sighed, but the moment took a sinister turn.

Before us lay a nuke; we had to disable it.

A few rag-tag- dog-on-a-bone type guards barred our way, soon choked out by Sam, and before long the pass codes were ours and the nuke deactivated forthwith, that was, until Voron hoved into view.

“Voron!” cried Sam and we bolted, but we didn’t get far.

It had come to this, a firefight against elite operatives in a confined space occupied by an exposed nuclear warhead.

Naturally, I threw a few grenades.

The room filled with fire, shrapnel, smoke and body parts, then more fire and bullets.

Somewhere underneath it all I could hear Sam shouting down my earpiece through gritted teeth.

“DO. YOU. MIND. NOT. USING. INCENDIARY. GRENADES. AROUND. THE. NUCLEAR. DEVICE?”

He was very polite.

Voron, on the other hand, were dead.

~Lordt

August 28, 2013 0

Lordt, The Splinter Cell Chronicles. “Shhhh”

I had taken my time to check that the coast was clear. I went high, my partner low.

We were ghosts.

I had my night vision goggles on, but it was difficult to see due to the rain. Still, it was better than nothing.

The mission was simple, we had to find and capture an enemy dictator so that he could be brought to justice. The application, however, was a little more complicated.

The building we were to infiltrate was little more than a nightclub with residence above, but it had many windows and dozens of eyes. Our intelligence told us that our man could be located on the top floor and that the men inside would be packing heat.

Stealth was out only hope; In and out, no noise, no mess.

And that’s when the fun began.

As I mentioned before, my partner went low and I could just make out his form against the blackness of the night as he scaled a small fence. I had gone high to scope the joint and then planned on connecting back up with him again once my surveillance was complete.

As I reached the top of the block opposite the club my eyes fixed on the windows to ascertain any movement and perhaps even point of entry. I moved slowly, but surely until I came to a stop.

It was then I shat.

I could hear a variety of alarms and shouting coming from the building.

Struggling to figure out what had alerted the guards my first thought was to immediately blame my partner, who must have bungled into a trap.

It turns out I was wrong as an angry voice through my earpiece informed me that I had come to rest in front of a neon sign in full view of the street and building opposite.

My bad.

Thoughts ran through my mind as I imagined the menacing silhouette I must have offered, rifle on my back, balaclava over my head. There was no doubt they were on to us by now.

I expected gunfire, but the enemy sat tight, presumably brisling with adrenaline as they watched me.

I had to get off the building, and quickly.

As I descended I misplaced a foot and fell into a stack of wooden crates, bringing more attention to my whereabouts. I panicked and ran straight for my partner and scampered over the fence.

He looked horrified as I joined back up with him and whispered. “If you have any grenades on you I’m leaving now”.

“I didn’t bring any” I lied.

We approached the door to the club and listened. All was quiet, but they had to know we were out here. As my partner readied a small surveillance optic I removed my goggles and kicked in the door, sub machine gun at the ready.

Nothing.

I looked down at my partner who crouched in disbelief, optic positioned where the bottom on the door once was. He sighed, putting away the optic and we entered with caution.

Ground level; The bar.

“Now careful” my partner suggested. This irritated me. I’m always careful.

As I casually strode through the bar I realised that my partner was on all fours.

Oops.

I looked around, finished a shot that was hastily left on the counter and crouched down with him, hoping he hadn’t noticed. He never mentioned.

We reached another door and my partner took the lead. He cracked it open and found a guard inside. I took it upon myself to switch the light off and in seconds the guard lay unconscious on the floor. I turned the light back on to see my partner dusting off his hands. I nodded and fired a round into the guard’s chest before moving up the staircase.

“Jesus” is all that came through my earpiece.

Next on the menu were two jokers that thought it was a good idea to try and spot us on the surveillance cameras. They were so engrossed that my partner and I were half way down the corridor before even of them hit the floor.

Slick.

Top floor and we expected trouble. My partners slipped the optic under the door. Our mark was inside along with two guards. There also seemed to be a back exit which we had no time to double back and secure. We were going to have to be quick, but also careful as we needed our mark alive. No exactly my specialty.

Feeling confident, I whispered to my partner “I’ve got this”.

“You take the guard on the right, I’ll get the left, then we’ve got the bastard” he replied, pulling out his silenced pistol.

I nodded and pulled out my sub machine gun. All I got was a roll of the eyes in response.

I suppose at this point my greatest concern was pumping our mark and perhaps even my partner full of lead. As it turned out, none of this came to fruition as I booted the door open and stitched a dotted line of bullets around my guard.

I won’t doubt that the man I shot at had filled his pants, but it made no difference as before I could reload a new clip my partner had stabbed him in the throat with his knife.

There was a moment and then we realised our mark had bailed out the back door.

Shit.

The race was on and my odds were on the grenade I had just produced.

Sadly, I had to rethink my strategy as my partner was already down the staircase after the mark.

Shortly after the fading footsteps down the stairwell stopped and I heard a gargled choke followed by my partner’s unmistakable baritone. “Shhhh” echoed up the stairwell.

I looked around and noticed a wells stocked liquor cabinet.

“Might as well” I said, helping myself.

Job done.

~ Lordt