“A resplendent chest, you say?” I muttered to my companion as I fingered the remnants of my beard.

We stood on the threshold of a dungeon, deep within the terra firma.

“There is usually one in here…” he replied.

Before he could finish his sentence I was half way down the corridor, the mere mention of a chest setting my legs into motion. I’d recently acquired some new boots which also hastened my progress due to some magical enchantment. At least I’d get there first.

Then, like so many times before it dawned on me. Somewhere beyond sight within the depths of the cavern system would almost certainly be a plethora of beasts waiting to carve me up into some form or paste and/or dine upon my man-flesh.

I came to a slow halt.

“Hmm, perhaps you should go first?” I uttered to my monk companion.

He looked sceptical. “I always open the chests first, perhaps it’s you turn?” he looked hard at me.

“You are allowing me first refusal on the chest?” he wasn’t buying it. I nodded meekly.

I saw an inward sigh as he resigned himself to the fact that we weren’t going anywhere unless he started walking, and so took the lead.

“Quite the interior decorators, wouldn’t you say?” I offered, trying to break the silence as we walked down the corridors. A small ball of flame hovered above my hand as I illuminated the immediate area. The walls were more or less decorated in intestines and faeces.

“Would you shut up?” my companion replied, eager for stealth. “With a piece of luck we can be in and out of here quicker than curry through a week olde baby”

I gulped, wondering if the decoration on the walls was indeed the result of curry through week olde baby.

As we rounded a corner I noticed a gleam of light at the end of the tunnel. Mine eyes transfixed, what I failed to notice was the trap immediately before me that my companion had deftly stepped around.

Seconds later a set of spikes smashed into he ground before me. I narrowly avoided being turned into said paste, but the damage was done; my britches now swung unnaturally with shit as they we tucked into my boots.

I had expected a berating from my companion but he said nothing, instead getting low and creeping closer to the chest that was glinting in the corner.

This annoyed me as secretly I wanted to open the chest first, and to be honest I didn’t even really care what was in it given the amount of tat we found laste time.

He stopped. This was my chance. “Now before we open…” he began to say, but it was too late. One teleport spell later and I was pulling stuff out of the resplendent chest like I was searching for a diamond in a pile of dirty socks.

Moment’s later the room was a hive of activity. We were boned.

“You fucking idiot!” I heard my companion shout. I say heard, but it would be more accurate to say I thought I heard, as I was actually in town selling up and smelting all the wares I had discovered within the chest. A pretty penny I got for them too.

Somewhere through the portal I thought I heard the ghostly echoes of my companion cursing me from a distance…

As I stuffed another few gems into my stash I considered that I should probably go and help him.

I stuck my nose through the portal and was met with a solid stone wall. “Wallers”. Great, the beasts had spell casters with them that had the ability to wall you in with magically create mounds of earth. Not such a problem for me, as I could just teleport out, but for my companion, well…

Seconds later the wall vanished and I nearly tripped over my companion as I jumped through the portal heaving a full half dozen meteorites onto the field of battle. The noise was deafening and the visuals, blinding.

“Ahaha, I’m just warming up!” I shouted to a quiet cavern.

All about lay a mass of corpses, piled high, naturally due to my own prowess. In the centre of the cavern stood a small wooden cross surrounded by a pile of loot.

I recognised the remains as that of my companion and began to work a spell to resurrect him. Seconds later he appeared, somewhat miffed.

He uttered but one word and I wasn’t not entirely sure that it was sincere.

“Thanks.”

~Lordt

I write these words only by the grace of a good healer.

~

I had made my way into he deep depths of a dungeon with an assassin companion of mine. She was strong, brave, and dependable; all the qualities I consider a hindrance.

We were in search of a Horadric artefact, by the guidance of olde man Cain. The daft sod must have lost his marbles for if there was a Horadric artefact down this deep in the shit, I’d be damned.

Still, we ventured on as my companion said she had a hunch. As a spell user myself I merely let her lead the way whilst I counted the coins in my purse until the next batch of skeletons presented themselves. It was a fairly repetitive jaunt and I suppose I could have got a little more involved, but I really couldn’t be bothered. Besides, I didn’t want to mess up my hair, or my codpiece.

As we progressed through the deeper levels of the dungeon I found myself drawing upon mixed emotions. We found more lewt, but also more creatures of the night. I began to get unnerved as my companion took a few deep wounds and I had to weave a few spells to back her up.

After the next group of enemies had been dispatched she stopped abruptly and held up a hand.

We could hear a good deal of shuffling and scratching from the next room.

“Behind that door” she whispered, “Dozens”.

I concluded that they must be guarding the treasure and that if we wanted it, we’d have to open that door.

My companion was in the middle of saying something bout backing her up when I blew the door off its rusted hinges with a fireball.

I shoved her hard in the back into the room as I stood in the doorway hosing the area indiscriminately with chain lightning. Gods, there were a lot of creatures, clawing, rending…shrieking.

My companion then hurled herself forwards, confident that between her skill and my spells we could best the horde and unveil the treasure.

I suppose that sometime during the party she lost track of what I was doing as I had teleported into the next room and emptied the collection of chests within. I could still hear the carnage going on down the corridor as I crammed gems and coins into every pocket and fold of my robes. If I’d had easy access to my anus, I probably would have stuffed a few up there too.

Minutes later I was laden, carrying more weapons that I could ever hope to master and more lewt than I could conceivably spend in the next town. I decided it was time to open a portal and get back to town.

I spared a thought for my companion. She’d be fine…

Just then the door burst open and enemies piled into the room I had just emptied.

Shit.

I had just completed my town portal spell when I heard a harrowing scream from down the hallway. My companion had bought it.

But I was panicking now.

Sack on my back, I looked over my shoulder, ready to step through he portal when I was reamed from all angles by the horde.

~

Back in town I awoke at the healers. Beside me sat my companion. She did not look happy. “Where were you?”

“I was there, I was backing you up. I was overwhelmed”, I offered sincerely. She seemed to calm. I’d gotten away with it. All I needed to do was regain the loot that I had dropped back down there.

After a surprisingly revitalising potion the pair of us ran pell-mell back down into he dungeon where we retraced our steps and it was then that my number was up. There for all to see was my skeletal remains, sack still in hand, reaching for an open portal.

I cleared my throat as my companion stared at me in disbelief. Reaching down I picked up the sack of lewt, throwing it back over my shoulder.

Calmly, yet self-consciously I stepped through the portal.

~ Lordt

Diablo III has many interesting attributes that the previous 2 offerings do not. One interesting feature is that of personal loot. That is “Your loot is your own”. Theoretically this solves all arguments and lends to better team and overall game play.

Of course this is completely wrong as you will soon find out within minutes of logging int into the game and scooping up as much stuff as you can into your sack. Coupled with the fact that you always want what someone else has found and the addition of an online marketplace for just such goods, well, let the hording begin.

I for one see no problem is cramming as many gems as possible into the stash so that the lid won’t close, even if I can’t use them.

Why would I want to share those?

~ Lordt