My partner and I were holed up in a small compound overlooking the entrance to an opium den. Whichever way we looked guards milled about as though it was the annual meeting of guards anonymous. And to make matters worse, we had packed light, prepared for stealth, not all out war. Even I didn’t have my trusty grenades with me and I looked longingly at my bandoleer where they used to be. In their place sat a shitty EMP grenade…good for nothing right now. We had a hand gun each and a silenced snub nosed SMG; paltry fayre against what we faced.
Still…it was time.
We butted up against a barrier next to a nearby guard and my partner beat me to it as he leaned over and dragged the guy behind the cover, at which point we stamped him into the ground as though he were a spent cigarette. Not exactly stealthy, but it helped relieve some of the frustration at not having the proper gear.
My partner was convinced we could get through unnoticed, but I knew otherwise as I winged the chain holding a gas canister above a group of heavily armed guards. Seconds later the guards were vaporized and my companion and I were reamed from all angles by all and sundry as they promtly located our position.
Must try harder.
We approached the first guard and dragged him over the scenery again, this time slitting his throat to save on energy. Then we waited. Those guards under the canister weren’t going anywhere, though we could use a little distraction, but perhaps not in the form of enormous explosions.
My partner slipped off right and took down another guard, using his left hand to shoot a third who had spotted him. Good work.
I peeled off left and blundered into a room full of guys. My SMG was out quicker than a New York minute and I was hosing the area at hip height in a panic. I cleared the room only to peer outside at the pulp that was my partner since I had alerted the enemy.
Must try harder still.
Once again our olde chum was leaning up against the barrier nearby. I thought I’d save some time by shooting him in the back of the head, only I missed, clippingthe canister in the background again. The rest is history.
Must try harder…but not quite so hard.
“I’ll take the guy this time” suggested my partner. I let him.
He then went right and I followed as he took down the other two guards.
For no reason, I dropped a few electro-proximity mines for good measure. We rounded a barricade and hunkered down. 3 more guards waited. I shot one in the back of the head with my silenced pistol before moving on to choke out the second. The third however was a heavy and sadly, just as my partner was about to engage the guy he tripped my mine which shocked half a dozen men in the area, most of which were heavies who then responded with a hail of bullets so thick my partner described it as like “breathing lead”.
Sigh.
I’d had enough of this. I ran at the first guy who saw me instantly and shot me in the face.
Must try again…
This time, a tear gas grenade.
It served its purpose, that is, if its purpose was to annoy the fuck out of the guards and cause them to return fire with heavy machine guns and frag grenades. Two fresh bodies lay upon the ground . Our fresh bodies to be precise.
Sigh.
“Look”…said my partner. “Relax. We need to get around them, then take down the heavies and try to grab a shield or two”. I nodded in response, promptly ignoring the advice and running at the first guard who once again shot me in the face.
My partner looked at me in disbelief. “This must be the worst kind of groundhog day” he said.
I ignored him and tried once more, this time creeping in behind the barrier and slitting the throat of the first guard.
Perfect.
“Right, good” said my partner, before peeling right take out guards two and three. This time we were on a roll. I moved left, smoothly took out the guys in the building and then for no reason threw a tear gas grenade into the back of a truck where a guy had sat oblivious up until that point.
I followed up the maneuver with a few clips from the ole’ SMG before running out of bullets and picking up an un-silenced AK47 from one of the dead guards, effectively having now “gone loud”.
The AK didn’t have much ammo left and after a couple of guys with shields blocked most of the spray I was boned. I spun, clipped a canister or two and ran pell-mell back to our start point, grabbing the limp body of my companion on the way. The place was like a fucking warzone yet again and it wasn’t long before the pair of us ended up resembling and matching set of human colanders.
———————–
GAME PAUSED.
———————–
My mate slowly, but surely turned toward me. I wondered what was coming. A few stern words, a punch perhaps, maybe even a two fingered salute.
He gestured to the bathroom next door.
“Get in there and GO AND HAVE A FUCKING WANK”


