We made our way quietly over the perimeter fencing. I say quietly, when really I mean we made enough noise to wake a drugged corpse, but the matter is moot, since we remained unnoticed anyhow.
We arrived at a small bunker in which a lone guard ran laps trying to work off some of last night’s vindaloo. I didn’t take long before my companion had choked him senseless and stuffed him in the corner.
Before the guy had even hit the ground I was rappelling down the missile shaft as though someone had greased the ropes told me I was on the Crystal Maze. I landed in a heap at the bottom, fortunately on top of an unsuspecting guard. A look from my partner told me I had gotten away with something stupid…
I punched the button for the nearby lift with perhaps more energy than was necessary and as both of us wanted to be first down into the bunker we got wedged in the doorway.
“WILL YOU MOVE!?” My partner demanded, more than asked.…
I complied and we made our way down.
In the corridor below I noticed a fee figures up ahead, and a pipe above. Perfect.
Moments later I felt something hit me in the groin. My partner had had the same idea as me and I had blocked his motion to grab onto the piping. This did not go wholly unnoticed by the guards and it was a near thing that my companion got behind a wall in time as they pulled out their flashlights.
A few neck snaps later and we felt much better about ourselves as we stuffed the limp corpses of the guards into the lift and sent them skywards. I was sure to empty their pockets of any spare ammunition, weaponry, grenades, loose change and sticks of gum before we moved on.
Next we climbed into a vent at the end of the corridor and I began to feel like a sausage stuffed into too smaller skin. As my partner broke wind in my face my eyes did weep. Perhaps it was an accidentally deployed teargas grenade. Or perhaps it was just the remnants of some bad scampi.
Finally we reached some kind of lab…
We jumped down and beat the shit out of a scientist for no reason, then moved on into the next corridor where I Tomoe Naged my companion into a wall.
What awaited us was both horrific and comedic; More specifically horrific for my partner, and comedic for me.
A drone gun sat around the corner. We were doomed.
My companion had barely grabbed hold of the piping on the ceiling to circumnavigate the obstacle when I couldn’t resist poking my head round the corner to take a look.
What happened next was a form of process. One minute, my partner was crawling along a piece of ceiling piping. The next, he had become a human colander.
As his slumped and riddled body slid across the hallway with the momentum of the bullets I took a moment to chuckle before taking a moment to take a picture, and then take the piss.
I then pulled him back round the corner.
2 shots of adrenaline later and it was like it had never happened. I did, however, receive stern words for my troubles.
“Let me put it this way. Aren’t you glad I resisted throwing any grenades?” I riposted.
~Lordt
lewtocalypse.com 
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