Another day another dungeon.
Well, this time it was more of a fortified bunker.
A guard captain yelled at us to get our asses out on the battlefield as the defences were being overrun. In the distance my companion and I could see horde after horde of strange creatures massing into one hideous army. Some of them seemed to be fighting amongst themselves, which proved amusing, but as the captain yelled at us again we decided that we had best start moving.
As we ventured forth something caught my eye.
I elbowed my companion and thumbed off to the left. “Look, a fortified bunker”.
I saw a flicker across his eyes as if he were weighing up the choice between continuing onto the battlefields into the mayhem to help save the realm from utter destruction or take a short detour into the relatively safe environment of the fortified bunker whilst those outside got slaughtered.
The choice was a no-brainer
“lewt” I whispered into his ear to seal the deal.
Seconds later we were inside.
“Phew” I dusted off my cloak and took a look around. What a dump.
“Chances of quality gear in here are slim…” I uttered with disdain. My companion had recently acquired some choice items and I was long overdue an upgrade.
“We’ll find you something” he replied, clapping me on the shoulder. The sage monk always had a way of calming me down. In this incidence though, he failed and I shot disintegration beams indiscriminately around the interior of the bunker leaving no bench un-splintered and no chair un-broken. Barrels sundered and crude beds turned to sawdust under my gaze.
“Fell better?” my companion said in disbelief. “I hope they didn’t want to use this place later…”
“Let’s move”, I said, pressing on.
Deeper into the bunker the room opened out and it was not long before my companion sensed trouble round the next corner.
What presented itself was a large group of skeletons intent on adding us to their ranks. What happened next was a lesson from my companion as the skeleton horde broke into pieces in a cacophony of moans.
“Class dismissed” said the monk.
Moments later a huge meteorite tore through the ceiling and pounded into he ground directly in front of him. “JESUS”
I cleared my throat.
As we moved on I left no chest unopened and no button undone as I quite literally stole the shirt of a dead adventurer. I’d been in need of some good toilet paper for some time, and since the most recent chest was devoid of anything other than utter tat, I decided to relieve myself forthwith and close the lid, not even bothering to seal it.
By now I had lost sight of my companion as he had continued no up the hallway. I didn’t particularly like getting split up in unknown territory, but on this occasion my trepidation was instantly forgotten.
“Treasure Goblin!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. That little git…
It moved fast as its sack disappeared round the corner…But not as fast as my companion. A trained monk his feet moved quicker than mine and he was back down the hallway and round the corner before I’d even re-tied my bootlaces.
I heard a momentary kerfuffle followed by a harrowing scream before the half dissolved corpse of my companion plastered against the wall beside me. I look up from my boots just in time to see a splatter of acid run down the wall as well.
“Um…”
Standing up I experienced a moment of confusion before I realised that what I had thought to be a treasure goblin actually had indeed been a different, malicious kind of goblin full of acid. It had exploded on impact with my companion and the pair of them had bought it in a shower of acid and guts.
As I stood there counting myself lucky the wall caved in and a huge, armoured spider-like beast stood before me surrounded by a large group of assorted skeletons. The fight was on. I would mourn my friend later.
I stood, straddled, firing disintegration from the hip. Skeletons scattered and ran, but the huge beast stood firm, taking shelter in its armour-like skin.
A ghostly voice seemed to hover over the wind.
“Get me up”. I was the spirit of the monk.
Under the mass of bodies I found it hard to tell where he had fallen, and the debris from the broken wall just made things worse. If I could just get to him, not only would I have my old chum back, but I could leave him to fight the huge beast whilst I went back to town to sell up peruse the latest wares on offer.
“Where are you?” I said to no one, feeling more than a little foolish”
“You are basically wiping your arse on my cross” the ghostly voice uttered angrily. “Get me up”
I looked down as sure enough I was straddling the temporary memorial of my dead friend.
Duplicates.
The beast didn’t know who to attack and I began to work on resurrecting my friend. Mid-way through I thought to myself “Might as well” and landed another meteorite into the vicinity, destroying nearly everything.
As the dust settled and with my incantation complete, my companion stood there looking angrily at me as I picked around for coins and jewels on the floor.
He caught my eye as I moved to pick up a perfect ruby.
“Learn your bestiary”.
~Lordt
lewtocalypse.com 
Leave a comment