Lordt – I Heart Golden Axe

I have no friends as I’ve accidentally hacked them all to pieces whilst trying to cleave meat and pot from the heaving sacks of many blue and green midgets.

I eat too much red meat for my own good and I spend all my spare time at the quarry lifting rocks to keep in shape, even though I can make them spew forth from the ground like confetti on a whim.

I enjoying prancing around in blue trunks and I scream like a girl when someone hits me.

I can run like Linford Christie, jump like I’m on the moon and the only thing that scares me is that I may one day run out of oil.

My name is Ax Battler. And I use a sword.

~

I HEART GOLDEN AXE.

~Lordt