t’s a pity that I caught wind of the ancient keep “High Hrothgar”, for asides from initially being put off at the thought of climbing “Seven thousand stairs”, the information ultimately lead to me wreaking the usual havoc upon unsuspecting citizens of an otherwise peaceful, rural village.
In my defence, what else was I to do?
Not so far from the village “Ivarstead” I happened upon a particularly briskly moving river that looked cold and otherwise unappealing. I moved up the river to a point where a large tree had fallen just above a severe drop into the icy waters below. My luck was in; the tree was nearly as good as a well made bridge, save for the rounded edges and the otherwise haphazard manner it had fallen. I didn’t hesitate and promptly began my way across the ravine.
To my surprise the hunched and scrawny figure man drew himself up before me midway along the crossing. He shouted something in comprehensible, but my lightning reflexes kicked in and I cut him down without thought and tossed his bony behind into the river below. Casually re-sheathing my steel, I completed the crossing and smirked at the coin purse I had managed to relieve the bandit of before he fell. Flicking a coin in the air I decided this was not such a bad day after all. Not at least until I moved upriver…
At sometime during my journey I must have had a stroke, for not for the life of me can I remember how or when I disturbed the sleeping troll. All I knew was that it was awake, going berserk and was looking for me. My consistent luck was in as the water was fairly still here and mists that had formed partially masked me from view. It did, however, run around playing hide-and-seek for a while before heading up the mountain path I was due to take. Great…
Still, not being one to pass up an opportunity I made my way to its alcove cave and relieved the beast of the few valuables it kept stashed within. Snap. Now for the path up the mountain…
Well, I’d not gone far before the Troll spotted me and decided it needed to see what I had had for lunch.
Naturally, courage won out and I met the beast head on, peppering it with arrows from a safe and discrete distance. My warrior companion at the time, Lydia decided she would aid me by clobbering the thing with dull sword to little effect. Minutes later she was a sorry state at the bottom of the ravine and I was out of arrows.
However, my keen eyesight fortunately noticed the top of a building on the crest of the hill we fought upon, Ivarstead, no doubt. An idea began to form, but not for long. Foolishly I let me gaze linger on the horizon and the beast struck me with more force than I cared to feel again. Looking to my side I considered aiding the downed Lydia and then decided, actually, it was best to leg it.
I ducked under the Troll as it swung for another attack and ran pell-mell up the hillside towards the sleepy village of Ivarstead. Sleepy no more…In under a minute I was there and if the men were not awoken by my screams, certainly the women and children were.
A couple of villagers, weary from an evenings drinking, hailed me as I entered the village and then looked puzzled as I bowled through them with out so much as a “good evening” and a firm handshake. The next stranger they were to greet, however, was the Troll.
Cheers lads, you made it possible for me to sit here in comfort and write this journal.
The very first thing I did was nip into the local tavern and order a strong mead before gazing out of the rear window to watch the sight of the two men get beaten around by the Troll like wet fish. Who was I to complain if they felt the need to fight my battles for me? And the warmth of the fire…ah…it was like watching a good plaie.
A minute passed, blood flowed, crops were trampled, men were slain…women were slain…I dare say even livestock was smeared across the cobbles before the show was eventually over.
At some point a local strong-arm emerged and stuck his oar in, felling the Troll. I saw it coming and made sure that I was nearby when the killing blow was made, if not to claim all the glory, then at least to claim all the loot.
~Lordt.
lewtocalypse.com 
Leave a comment